Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No, To Take Control of Your Life: When to Say Yes, How to Say No, to Take Control of Your Life

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I used to really not be able to say "no" if someone made me feel guilty. Now if someone starts to make me feel guilty for saying "no"...I get pissed because I realize their needs aren't my responsiblity & that by trying to guilt me into taking responsibility, they're attempting to manipulate me. Perhaps my biggest struggle is the authors' tendency to blame absolutely every poor character trait on the parents of the unpleasant person. No one ever made a bad decision for themselves, it seems, but everything bad about you is your parents' fault. Only you can fix it, of course, but they're the ones that made you this way--they didn't teach you good boundaries, or they tried to control you with guilt or anger, or they only looked out for themselves and did not respect your needs or boundaries, or... the list goes on. As a child myself, I can recall times that I made my own bad decisions, and I cannot trace my current problems to my parents. They weren't perfect, of course, but they aren't to blame for all of my hardships. As a parent myself, I find it hard to believe that every bad decision my son makes will rest on my head when judgment day comes--it's just not a reasoned position to take here. What I came to see was in any relationship where I feel tension, it is usually due to boundary confusion. The authors have, in my opinion, an incorrect view of both love and marriage. They assert that love is primarily a feeling, rather than an action (indeed, that action without feeling is worthless in the case of love); this may correspond with their experience, but it implies that a marriage without "that loving feeling" should end. Marriages, while I'm on the subject, are also not relationships of unconditional love, according to the authors. (I do not mean only in practice, for definitely there are countless marriages that are not based on unconditional love, but I mean the authors suggest that marriages should not be so.)

The book on boundaries we’ve all been waiting for!NedraTawwab offers clarity and direction with grace and compassion on a topic often discussed but rarely integrated. If you’re ready to live in alignment and shift your relationship with self and others, Set Boundaries, Find Peaceis your next must read.” Nope. Not my responsibility to get a grown adult from point A to point B because she wants to attend the event. If she really wanted to attend the event, she would find her way there via her car, or carpool w someone else, or via one of the following or a combination of the following: bus, train, water taxi, car taxi, Uber, Lyft, horse drawn carriage, bike, Segway, scooter, rollerblades... This workbook is full of exercises and reflective questions designed to help you practice and integrate the concepts you’re learning. I get that it is important to protect yourself, to stand up, to say "this is not good for me". But it is also important to preserve your relationship with your spouse and your children and "my way or the highway" is not going to cut it.When people are treated as objects for long enough, they see themselves as someone else's property... Many people live scattered and tumultuous lives trying to live outside of their own boundaries, not accepting and expressing the truth of who they are. When someone responds w/anger or irritation that I won't just do what they want or I just won't say "yes" to their request or makes a comment along the lines that my boundaries are too rigid, I now respond with "The boundaries I've established are mine, the issues you have with my boundaries are yours. Your issues are not mine to solve & my boundaries aren't yours to establish."

The first thing you need to learn is that the person who is angry at you for setting boundaries is the one with the problem...Maintaining your boundaries is good for other people; it will help them learn what their families of origin did not teach them: to respect other people. This book is just a bunch of Christian psycho-babble about how to 'say no'. the author drones on and on with example situations about a working mom driving the kids to soccer practice, being asked to volunteer at church, all the while juggling her career with the needs of her jerk of a husband and bratty / whining kids. Really, it's not much more than a book created to give people excuses for making bad choices in the first place. How many marriages could have been saved if one spouse had followed through on the threat “if you don’t stop drinking.. ” or “hit me” or “yelling at the kids” I will leave until you get some treatment. Don’t Help Those Who Don’t Learn Henry Cloud introduces the law of cause and effect as a natural law that gives you the fruits of what you sowed.Setting boundaries is both challenging and rewarding. This workbook can help you overcome the challenges and reap the rewards of better boundaries! The author says that some people have difficulties setting boundaries because their parents and family of origin made them feel guilty for defending their own space.

And remember, that, to build strong boundaries with others you need internal boundaries. What does this mean ? You might ask.

Endorsements

After reading through that agonizing beginning, the next few chapters for me were like, "YES! YES! YES!". I loved it. I thought this was it! I have this and this problem and this book is going to help me. To have boundaries, the author says, means to take responsibility for your own transfers (note: “transfer” is a phenomenon in psychology by which the patient projects love or hatred towards an authority figure). My wife asked me to read this book, so that she could get my insights on it. I ended up liking the book; I think that it includes valuable information about taking ownership of your own life and divesting yourself of the notion that you can control others, or that your life somehow depends on others. At the same time, the book wasn't without its problems. I'm not done reading the book yet, so I may update this later. The fact is, if I wasn't reading this book for a book group, I don't think I would go any further, or gotten as far as I have. This is the boundary bible. Nedra teaches us not only how to set healthy boundaries but to be clear about our feelings and intentions. Finding peace requires showing up—Nedra has written the blueprint on how to not only show up but also do the work.”